Boundaries
We’ve all let our expectations and boundaries creep a little – OR A LOT – lately. It’s for our survival. Talk to any parent or carer, teacher or childcare worker, nanny, au pair – anyone caring or dealing with young people – and they will confess COVID has not been a great time for sticking to the normal household rules and expectations.
Regular bedtimes for 8-year-olds… What? Does before midnight count as regular?
Structured meals and snacks during homeschooling? Does constant grazing, complaining and snacking count?
All day pajama day every day… And your point is?
Basic rules and expectations have gone out the window as we have tried to keep our mental health intact during the complications and challenges of lockdown.
But now as we re-enter our new normal, we have to reinstate boundaries with our teens, tweens and littlies.
Boundaries are key to our family units – whatever they may be – feeling safe and functioning effectively. It is natural for all of us – old and young - to push against boundaries, to see what we can get away with, and we can react negatively when they are enforced and reinforced.
Ultimately boundaries make us all better people: they force us to think about other, they reign in the power and reach of our ego, and often make us participate and contribute toward communal goals and outcomes.
Not many of us love setting boundaries.
We sometimes feel them as mean or selfish.
But, according to acclaimed clinical psychologist Dr Stephanie Dowd, “boundaries are essentially about understanding and respecting our own needs, and being respectful and understanding of the needs of others”.
It’s time for all of us to start building back up the boundaries and expectations in our households. While the world still seems a little uncertain and chaotic, it will be hard, but it will be better for all of us if we can move out of lockdown mode to a place where we once again have fairly regular bed times, eating habits and a requirement for non-bed related clothing!
By MG Training and Isabel Fox
